Things 30somethings Hate

This post is actually a little spicier than my usual ramblings. I guess when you write about things that people hate, it elicits some passion. Please excuse my sass. I'm a nice person. I love Jesus, but even He flipped a table or two. I'm just a human ok...

1. Parties that don’t start until 8pm.

See previous post: Sleep is my favorite hobby. If the party doesn’t START until 8, then I can’t even arrive before 8:30. If I don’t arrive until 8:30, then I can’t leave until 11:30. By the time I get home, it’ll be 12am. I do not stay up until midnight. This means, I went through the effort of getting dressed AGAIN at 7:30pm just to go to sleep 4 hours later. Too much effort. Too tired. 6pm start time or Mama can't make it. #sorrynotsorry

2. Other people’s children.

Ok, no one HATES children. I might even have a higher tolerance than most 30somethings for this due to School Counselor Life. But, most 30somethings don't love being around other people's children. Either they have children of their own and they are fresh out of baby babble, or they do not have children. They don't even know the struggle but also don't want to. I have a child. I get it. My child even annoys me sometimes, but I have unconditional, overwhelming love for him because he is mine. Guess what other 30somethings do not have for him: a mother’s love.

3. Loud music.

You know why old people can’t hear? Because they’ve been subjected to music with freakishly loud decibels for decades.  If I can’t hear you talking in a normal voice over the music, its too loud. Alexa doesn’t even know a volume higher than 4 at my house.

4. Staying up past 12am.

Y’all, I am giving myself some serious credit here because I don’t even see 12 that often. See number 1 for more information. I’m a morning person. I’ll get up at 5:30 am. I’m a daydrinker, I mean, you can have a Bloody Mary at 9am. There is really nothing in this life worth staying awake for after 10. Unless it’s game night, I’ll hang until 11:30.

5. Crowded bars.

I need lots of space. My personal space bubble has like a 4 ft radius. I don’t want to be touched. If I don’t know you, then you need to be 12 inches away from me at minimum. If you’re drunk, make that 24 inches.

6. Cigarette smoke.

I’ve always disliked cigarette smoke. Nowadays, I straight up give people the side eye

and cough loudly. If my child is with me, I wait until we are within earshot and I say

“Hold your breath, Youngie. Secondhand smoke kills.” I don't really do that, but it
would be funny if I did. I literally feel the years being shaved off my life with each
inhale.

7. Finding a parking spot.

One word: valet. If Publix had a valet service, best believe I’d be all over that.

8. Your friend who only wants to talk about “the kids.”

Let me tell you what my day is full of: kids. I go to work with kids. I come home to a kid. All I do is hang out with kids. I am at max capacity for talking about kids. Feel free to share your funny blowout stories, #momfails, etc. but I just can't talk about bedtime routines. Also, parenting gives me anxiety, and I’m trying to be cool here.

9. The Mall.

I would rather go to my own funeral. Why? People. No other explanation necessary.

10. Paying full price.

Let me tell you what I am most certainly not going to do: pay full price. Not happening. Mama likes a good sale. I basically live for J.Crew Factory, Old Navy, and the Oops Outlet. Nothing makes me more mad than buying something, going to the store 2 months later and seeing it discounted. Not today, Satan.

11. Phone calls.

It feels like an invasion when my phone rings. Look bro, this is my personal space. If you can’t tell me about this in a text message, just write it down and tell me the next time we see each other. Unless you’re my boss. I will always take that call.

12. Not being carded.

Um, excuse me. I’m sorry. Did you forget to ask for my license because I don’t look a day over 19 years old. SLED is going to have a field day with your poor judgement. Good Day, Sir. I said GOOD DAY!

13. Any loud noises after 8pm.

This includes but is not limited to your backyard party, your dog barking, fireworks,

etc. If you wake my baby up, so help me God, I might actually kill you. I haven’t slept

in 2 and half years. At least I can get a full night’s sleep in prison.