30somethings Keys to Success

I’ve only been 30something for like a month, but I’m pretty sure I’m already nailing it. So much so that I created a list of pointers for 30something newbies who didn’t catch on as quickly as I did. I call these tidbits the 30somethings Keys to Success.

1. Tide Laundry Detergent

This is #1 because Tide is life. I remember the first time I was able to afford Tide Laundry detergent as an adult. I was shopping with my not-yet-husband at Publix and I said “Is it ok if we get Tide?” He looked at me like I had 3 heads. It never occurred to him not to get Tide. I was only 24 and broke as a joke. He was 32 and living that P&G high life. As far as I was concerned, the Tide Brand was reserved only for the rich and famous. Gain runs about $8, but Tide is like $16. Who has that kind of spare change? I'll tell ya who, 30somethings. If you want to feel successful, go for broke and buy the Tide. The rich and famous use Tide, why shouldn’t you?

2. Gel Manicures

This is a bit controversial. Some people actually hate gel manis. That makes me sad because I legit love them. I know they can make your nails look less than desirable if you take them off yourself. So, really, any manicure will do. The point I'm trying to make here is if you want people to think you fancy, get your nails done. I opt for gel because nothing makes you look LESS fancy than chipped off nail polish. Get it together, friend.

3. Nice Shoes

Lots of girls are real shoe people. I envy those girls. I, unfortunately, am not. I have mentioned that I am a bargain shopper on more than one occasion. I wear flats every single day of my life and they are from Old Navy or Target. Sure, I have to buy a new pair every 6 months, but for $20, why not? That is until I turned 30. I asked for some of those really swanky Rothy flats that pop up on your Facebook page for Christmas. Santa Aaron delivered. I now have 1 nice pair of shoes. It makes all the difference. You don’t need a closet full, unless you are one of the rich and famous, but I’d argue that you do need 1 pair of really nice shoes. I mean, you can’t conquer the world wearing Target flats.

4. Stocked Pantry

You want to know when I feel most successful? When I open my fridge and my pantry and see so much food. Sure, I bought it all at Aldi. Who needs CheezIts when you can buy Savoritz? Looks like Christmas came early, y’all. Look at all of these delectable options for Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, and Snacks. If I’m feeling crazy, I might even buy some of those off-brand fudge pops for dessert. Because I’m successful and successful people sometimes have dessert.

5. Skincare Regimen

I still can’t really afford one of these, but maybe you can. My skincare regimen consists of those $7.99 Neutrogena makeup remover wipes. BUT- Word on the street is 30somethings love expensive soaps and gels and creams and serums and rollie things. It is ALL.THE.RAGE. Save your pennies and maybe you can be successful and buy cool exfoliating scrubs too. Let me know how that goes. I’ll still be spending all my pennies at Aldi.

6. Google Calendar

Oh, so sorry. My watch alerted me that I have meeting tomorrow night at 7pm. You know because I’m super duper important and my watch reminds me because it syncs to my Google Calendar. You don’t have a Google Calendar? Yikes. What are you using Outlook? Lotus Notes? Get with the times. Ha, if only. Real talk, I can’t remember anything ever. My neighbor actually has to text me to remind me of all church events because I just can’t. Thanks, Chip. And I'd like to thank God for those watch reminders because Mama can’t function.

7. Your Hair

Let’s talk about your hair. Don't get mad at me. Every girl needs a good friend to give it to her straight. I'm volunteering to be that person for you. You're welcome. I’m not here to tell you that you need to get your hair cut every six weeks and colored every 8. Listen, I would be the pot calling the kettle black, ok? I just hope my sister-in-law isn’t reading this. She is actually fabulous and does my hair, but I still only get it done like 3 times a year. This is about your new bare minimum because the standard changed when you turned 30, friend. Greasy hair thrown up in a ponytail or bun will no longer suffice unless you are breastfeeding or have the flu. Go ahead and invest in dry shampoo so that no one actually knows how dirty your hair is and for the love of all things, fix it. I rock a bun once a week but it is a very trendy bun with a Pinterest tutorial. When you’re 20 living in Charleston spending your days on the beach, no one cares what your hair looks like. However, when you are 30 and you have a job, girl, BRUSH YOUR HAIR. I would encourage you to straighten it, curl it, or put it into some cute up-do but your new MINIMUM is to brush your hair and make sure it at least looks clean. Not a joke.

8. Cleaning Professionals

Dario is saving my life right now. Dario is the king of my heart and he buys me really awesome Costco Chocolates for Christmas. He is so nice. He plays with my baby. He lets my dog out for me. He is literally the husband I never had...sorry, Aaron. Dario is my cleaner. Let me tell you a little something about limits- I work full-time, I am a mother, I am a wife, I grocery shop, I cook dinner, I clean the kitchen, I sometimes make the bed, I take care of my dogs, I work out, I pray. I AINT GOT EVEN ONE MINUTE to do any deep cleaning. Sure, I pick up. I wash my countertops like I might win a contest for cleanest granite in Greenville (does that exist?) and I do laundry when we run out of underwear. But, I do not have time to vacuum, mop, dust, clean my shower, etc. So, I save all my pennies not used at Aldi to pay Dario to come and do these things every 2 weeks. I love him. Here is a PSA if you have cleaners: Do Not Call them Your Maid. First of all, it is derogatory because this is 2018. Second, Maids do more than just clean your house. So, unless your cleaners are also cooking your dinner and doing your laundry, they are just a cleaning professional. Third, Dario is not “the help.” He is a professional and a small business owner. And a darn good one.

9. Tile Key Finder

Everyone and their mom needs a Tile key finder. In fact, I bought my mom one for Christmas. For those of you who have not heard of Tile, it is this nifty little square key chain that tracks your keys using the Tile app on your phone. But wait! It gets better- if you have your keys but can’t find your phone, double tap on the “E” in Tile on the key chain and it will ring your phone. WHAT THE WHAT? Yes, you will literally NEVER lose your keys or your phone again. Unless you lose both your keys and your phone in which case you need more help than I can offer. You might actually be on time, unless you have toddler. The odds are still stacked against you if you have a toddler. I love my Tile. I can't survive without it. The problem is my keys are always always always in my husband’s pants pocket. Why? Why does this happen daily? So, I still have to spend my morning searching the house for the pants Aaron wore the day before. This is a problem I could have never foreseen for myself.

10. Costco Card

Nothing screams success like buying Ziplocks and single serving guacamoles in bulk. I’m just sayin’. Every successful 30something needs to go to Costco to make sure you’re spending your hard earned money wisely based on the price per unit, not the overall price.

11. Meal Prep

Have you ever tried meal prepping? It literally makes you feel like the master of life. I don’t always meal prep, but when I do, I also want to run for President. Because if you can plan all of your meals for the next 7 days, then you can probably also run a country.

12. Bathrobe

You know that iconic scene with Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffanys with her tiara and her sleek black dress and her big pearls? Audrey. Queen of Life. That is exactly how I feel when I put on my bathrobe every morning. Ok, well not exactly because there are no diamonds involved. But, I definitely feel very pampered like I’m living the high life. When is my cucumber facial? I even have a summer robe and a winter robe. I’m committed to that bathrobe life. #thatrobelife Let's make it a thing.

13. Sassy Coffee Mugs

Sassy Coffee Mugs are essential. My hand reaches for the Keurig power button as soon as my feet hit the ground. Your morning routine sets the tone for the whole entire day. Why would you not kick things off with a sassy coffee mug? Coffee Mug creators are literally the world’s most unappreciated artists. They are so talented and witty. Maybe I’ll blog about their unparalleled talent some other time. For today, I'm just here to tell you that you need a sassy coffee mug because to survive, better yet thrive, in your 30s, you’re going to need to start your day with a little bit of a sass and a whole lot of caffeine.

So Happy I'm Thirty

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