Turning 30 gave me a renewed zest for life. All of the sudden I began to take life more seriously. Not in the grown-up way, like “I need to start putting 10% in my 401k and figure out my 2018 IRA contributions.” I actually don’t even know what that means. I’m talking “fun” seriously- like, oh snap, I have a lot of big dreams and plans and aspirations. Time to start figuring out how make those things become a reality. Time is of the essence. That person that I want to be when I grow up, uh, I'm actually grown up now. Make it happen. Go after some goals. Figure out a plan. Start hustling- I’m 30 something now.
As I approached 30, I started getting bold. A little sassy. Kinda spicy. Or as my nephew once said, “you’re a real firecracker, Aunt JJ.” Kid speaks truth. Really and truly, I just started to live a more genuine and authentic life regardless of how others might perceive me. Here’s a list of really bold things that happened as I approached 30.Presentations
I love to give presentations. I’m not incredibly gifted at it. My husband sits around and reads Steve Jobs presentation books. I just like to share ideas with people. This year, I’ve given 3 presentations WITHOUT notes. No notes. No slides. I took the role of expert and just got up there and spoke truth. I’ve never felt so alive. Or terrified.
Apologies
These days, I err on the side of caution. That means I apologize a lot. Not in an inauthentic, I'm-not-really-sorry,-but-I'll-say-I'm-sorry-to-avoid-conflict way. Really and truly, if I accidentally offend someone, I say I'm sorry. If I think I might’ve accidentally offended someone but I’m not positive, I apologize. I’m sincerely sorry if I wrong someone. It takes me one second to say “I’m sorry if that hurt your feelings.” But, it might take someone 3 months to get over it if I don’t apologize.
Strangers => Friends
When I was in my twenties and I was invited somewhere, I would check around to see if anyone I knew was going to be there. Do you want to ride together? What time are you planning on going? What are you going to wear? These days, I actually don’t care if I know someone. I can walk into a party full of strangers and leave with at least 3 friends. Strangers are just friends that you haven’t embarrassed yourself in front of yet.
Assume that it isn’t me
This one is hard. I mean, truly. I take it personally y’all. Every time. My assistant principal said he was going to tape a Q-Tip to my laptop to remind me to Quit-Taking-It-Personally. He’s so witty. You roll your eyes? It was probably something I said. You were invited to a party but didn’t go? Probably because you knew I’d be there. You know what? That’s a stupid way to live. These days, I am working on assuming that it isn’t me. Your actions, those are on you, sister. Your attitude is a reflection of you, not me. Your behavior is your choice, not mine.
My To-Do list
I lived behind this fallacy that you have to get everything checked off your To-Do list every day. LOL. If you can get everything marked off your To-Do list, you don’t have much to do. No, really, I admire you, I really do. But, I’m living life on the wild side. Sometimes I have a To-Do list that takes me a WHOLE week to get checked off.
Ask for Help
You want to know what I do when I don’t know what to do? I ask for help. I know, it’s wild. I ask someone who knows to help me. It’s this crazy concept, but it actually works! They tell me how to do it and then all of the sudden, it gets done. I didn’t waste 20 minutes watching YouTube tutorials and 3 hours fixing it because I screwed up.
Defer
This one is hard. You might give me the side eye, but I have started to defer. I feel like a real grown-up. I have learned to pick my battles. I always state my case, because Mama got opinions, but if it isn’t worth it, then I just defer to the other person. Ex. Aaron wants to spend $600 on new golf cart batteries. My personal opinion is that we need to save that $600 for some upcoming expenses and the golf cart can wait. 24 hours later, Aaron says “I know that you were opposed to new golf cart batteries when we talked yesterday, but I still think that we need them.” Y’all I cannot tell you how much I do not care about golf cart batteries. I spoke my peace, he listened to me. We disagree. It is not worth it to argue over this. This is literally the last thing that I can muster up the energy to fight over. I don't need to "win." I don't need to be "right." It doesn't have to go "my way." Buy the batteries. Also, can you order us some pizza for lunch?
Stand up for myself
This one is tricky. As a kid, you’re taught to stand up for yourself and what you believe in, even if you get in trouble. As a teenager and young adult, you’re encouraged to just let it go. It isn't worth it. You don’t have to argue over every little thing. I’ve become really good at letting it slide (on the outside). Not saying anything. Just let it be. AKA- I'm a professional at passive aggressive behavior. It is the worst. Both standing up for yourself and letting it go are essential skills in life. As I’m getting older, I am better able to discern when I need to stand up for myself and when I need to let it go. Being passive is for the birds. You can have both high courage and high consideration.
Boundaries
I wish I could write about this, but I actually suck at boundaries. I’m working really hard. My bestie gives me Boundary lessons. I do know that we are in charge how much power we give other people over us. If your relationship isn’t building you up and making you better, then maybe you’ve shared more of yourself with that person than they deserve. Draw a line in the sand. I'm going to paraphrase Lelia's explanation last Sunday: "Boundaries are like having a toddler. We have to give them a designated space. It makes you feel better, it makes them feel better. Everyone is safe. You start with the most restricted space and, then, if you think it's appropriate you give them just a little more space." Whoa. What a truth bomb. I've been doing it wrong. I give everyone the whole entire playground, and then I slowly take some away if you misbehave. This is why she gives me lessons.
A power suit
If you don’t have a power suit, go buy one. Right now. I can see why my girl Hillary wore a pantsuit every single day. Girl, me too. I put on my new power suit and I felt like I could solve the world’s problems and probably compete in American Ninja Warrior.
I say No.
I used to say yes to everything. I felt obligated to say yes. I was a yes man. Not anymore, my friends. Every time I say yes to something, I am also saying no to something. Most of the time, that no is going to my self-care, my child, my husband, my nap, or my sanity. If it doesn’t serve me, if it isn’t congruent with who I am and the person I’m trying to become, I just say no. Even if it is a worthy and admirable thing, I cannot always say yes.
Accepting the word No.
Y’all there is no shame in being told no. I used to feel so rejected like I wasn’t good enough. Now, when I hear the word no, I think of it as the universe doing me a favor. It wasn’t the right fit. It isn’t the right time. It’s not meant to be. Something better is in store. Words of an optimist? Maybe, but people who really know me wouldn't consider me an optimist. I truly believe that when someone tells you no, there is another opportunity waiting and it is a big, fat YES.
Own It
I am not good at everything, contrary to popular belief. But, what I do know, I take pride in knowing. I’m confident about it. I am an expert in some areas. I also own what I do not know. I can admit that I’m wrong or have no clue without losing any sleep. There are people out there who know better and can do it better. That's ok. I give myself a little grace. I don’t have to know everything. That would be exhausting.
Be You.
The best thing about being 30 is just being authentically yourself. You do not have to dress a certain way to fit in. You like bangs? Good, get them. You only want to wear TOMS like my friend, Megan Schwarze? Congratulations, every pair you buy helps some kid in a 3rd world country. You really hate colors and you only want to wear gray and black? That's weird, but you do you, girl. Do not feel pressured to fit in with the 'cool kids.' Give me a break. You're 30.
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