Sometimes 30something Sucks...

Not everything about being 30something is awesome. I know, I make it look pretty fantastic. Ever heard of that saying “Fake it til you make it?” Sometimes I do that.

1. Never being on time

I love punctuality. I mean, if you aren’t 10 minutes early, then you are actually late. I used to never be late. These days, I can’t seem to get anywhere on time. Work? Late. Church? Late. Appointments? Late. Family Easter? Late. Dude, I’m just late. Lie to me about the start time. I won’t even be mad.

2. Memory failing

Have you ever heard the saying ‘elephants never forget’? That used to be me. My brain was freakishly keen on remembering things. Birthdays, phone numbers, passwords, even social security numbers. It was super weird how much I could remember about a person. I remember a college exam once where we were given the essay topic to prepare. I wrote a 6 page essay, memorized it line for line and regurgitated into a blue book the next day. Who does that? I can honestly say, in 2018, my memory sucks. I can’t remember anything. Did I feed the dog? Not sure. Did I take my Prozac? Not sure. What day is it? Not sure. After returning from the mailbox. Did I check the mail? Not sure. My husband has to send me reminder texts twice a day because I’ll forget if he just sends me one.

3. Wrinkles

I’m only 30. You’d think my skin would have the elasticity of every other 17 year old. Oh, maybe you didn’t think that, but I certainly did. I got lines on lines around my eyes. You know the ones that outline the black circles. Why is life so harsh?

4. Hangovers

This is too painful to talk about. You know the struggle is so real. I mean legit, it is a struggle. To survive. To sit up. To feed yourself.

5. All the bills

Why are we paying for so many things? I thought the best things in life were free? Well, apparently that doesn’t include WiFi, Netflix, childcare, wine, or my cell phone plan.

6. A real job

Work doesn’t suck (if you're lucky, like me). But, in your 30s you have to work like every single day. In my twenties, some days I just showed up. Sometimes I actually showed up with a bit of a hangover and took naps in the bathroom. No, I didn’t (YES, I totally did). My days of just showing up are over. I’m arriving late, staying late, and running around like a crazy person all day. I was not prepared for this harsh reality that doesn’t include watching Netflix at my desk. #adulting

7. Dad bods

So, every once in a while, I outsource some of blog blurbs. This one was picked up by my husband. So funny. Everyone has heard of the dad bod. 30something moms love a good dad bod. We also love a good six pack...just saying. My husband says to me, “Jordon, dad bods are worse than you think. I mean, you think the midsection is as bad as it gets. But, then, one day, you’re standing in the bathroom mirror trimming your ear hair and taking your Propecia. And you’re like “Man, this really does suck.””

8. Doctor Appointments

In my twenties, I went to the doctor like once a year. It was because my mom still made my appointment for me. Then all of the sudden, I approach 30 and I’m at the doctor every week. Gotta go for the Gyn & the Ob. Dermatologist to get those weird looking moles tested. Dentist every 6 months. Getting my extra labs done because something was wonky. Heading to that CVS minute clinic for my 3 ear infections & flu test. Don’t even get me started on Young’s appointments. He’s got shots due every time I turn around, wellness checks, ENT appointment, Pediatric Urology appointment (don’t tell him I told you). I’m making it rain on GHS. You welcome.

9. Getting your lip waxed

I’ve been getting my brows waxed for years. Then one day, the worst thing ever happened. It was so humbling. I was sitting in my little chair. Eyes closed. Bracing myself for the 10 seconds of torture. The lady says to me, “you want me to go ahead and get your lip for you too?” My eyes pop open. WHAT?!?!?!?! I reply, “well, I wasn’t planning on that. Do I need it?” She says “Oh yeah, you need it.” I’d like to personally thank the Venetian nail salon for being my sassy, truth-telling girlfriend that I didn’t even know I had.

10. Keeping up with pop culture

I’m going to be honest, after Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber broke up, I did too. Broke up with pop culture that is. I thought the youngest Kardashians were like 9 & 11. I don’t know any of the popular people these days. I mean, take me back to the days of Britney Spears making headlines puh-lease.

11. Major athletes are younger than you

Nothing makes you feel younger than seeing some 23 year old guy making millions on the field. How have I done so much and so little with my life all at the same time?!

12. You don’t get carded

But you get really excited when you do! Until they say “we card everybody.” Then I give them the side eye again.

13. You’ll never sleep again

You want to know why old people fall asleep all the time? Because they are freaking tired. They are trying to catch up on all those Zzz’s they lost during the middle part of their lives. I can't wait until I'm old and I can fall asleep during my great-granddaughters baptism.

Bonus: Everyone asks when you’re having a baby

I clearly already have a baby. But, for all my 30something friends who do not, I hear your “Amens.” I am sorry that this happens to you. I’m also sorry it’s me that is usually asking.

You know what else is old? I saw all the swanky moms in Brookhaven wearing these shoes.
So, of course, I google them. You guys, these are called SLIP ON SNEAKERS. What the heck?
I'm 30 and just purchased my first pair of slip on sneakers. I don't even know who I am
anymore. I guess they want you to think they are swanky because they come in gold. Every
30 something loves something shiny.