The Time I Became A Vegan

       Out of the blue, in December, I decided that I would become a vegan for the month of January. Why, on God’s green earth, would I become a vegan? Let me tell you, dear Friend. I love to torture myself. After reflecting on my diet, I realized my diet consists mainly of meat, cheese, wine, meat, chocolate, and meat.  My dinner plans sounded something like “steak and a green vegetable,” “pork tenderloin and a green vegetable,” “grilled chicken and a green vegetable.”  Are you seeing the trend here?

        Don’t get me wrong. I like vegetables. I have never had to choke down a brussel sprout. I just began to realize that I had a meat centric diet and. I did not like that. While I’m at it, I need to cut the cheese addiction. Straight up addiction. All the cheese. All the time. 

        While I do love a challenge, I also love a good loophole. I know me. If the rules are not hard and fast, then I will find a way to cheat without necessarily cheating. Am I crazy person that has to play games with myself against myself? Perhaps but that’s another story for another day.

        I chose to go vegan. I can’t just say “no meat, no cheese.” I would still eat cheez its, cream cheese, etc. Vegan means vegan. There is no way around it, no way to cheat it without straight up cheating it. 

        So, December 31st, I ate my salami and cheese, a cheeseburger, and a lamb gyro. Do you hear it? The angels singing as you read the words? January 1st was a hard start date. I don’t care that I’m slightly hungover and my best friend made collards with bacon. I’m a vegan now.

        Of course, there are some parameters. Vegans can be cray. Some vegans don’t eat honey because it’s an animal byproduct. Are you serious, Clark? Some vegans do not drink wine unless it is “vegan” wine because some of the processing uses animal byproducts. Let me be clear. I became the kind of vegan that does not knowingly eat things that comes from an animal or has dairy ingredients. I did not become a vegan because my moral compass was steering me away from carnivorism. Bring on the filet, please. No, no. I did this because I felt the desire to cultivate a plant-based diet. If you ever want to try this, set up your own parameters! Make this work for you and YOUR intentions. 

My Vegan Rules:

1. If it says “Contains Milk, Dairy, Eggs” the answer is NO. 
2. If it says “MAY” Contain Milk, Dairy, Eggs” the answer is YES. It may not.
3. If it says “Processed in a factory with…” Answer is yes. I work in a building full of children, that doesn’t mean I am one (or does it?)
4. If my own livestock, meaning my chickens, produces it then I can eat it. Thank you, Coco Beasley for serving me with such dedication..
5. Yes to honey. Because not eating honey is cray..

I also preplanned a cheat weekend. This is not supposed to be torturous. You are not punishing yourself. My husband ran the Charleston Half Marathon, and we rented a house at Folly which means we were going to Lost Dog Cafe and Black Magic and Bowen’s Fish Camp. Y’all. I am eating fresh seafood. And I did. This was not a moment of weakness. This did not throw me off the wagon. I did not feel ashamed or like I was a failure. I am about enjoying life. And after that beach trip, it was no struggle to return to life as a “vegan.” (In quotations because you saw my rules, not exactly nailing it.)

Life as a Vegan

        Shockingly, I have to admit that giving up meat was remarkably easier than I expected. I didn’t miss it. I didn’t crave it. It was a very hard to adjust my thinking at first. I had to train my brain to focus on something besides protein. The first day, I was so flabbergasted by my new life that all I ate for the whole day was an apple, a banana, and sweet potato fries. I got the hang of it shortly after. I found great recipes on Pinterest. I found yummy veggie wraps, balsamic polenta recipes with veggies, bean based recipes, stuffed sweet potatoes, quinoa bowls (oh the options). Life without meat was so good.

        Life without dairy. Cue the Funeral March. All good and holy things contain dairy. It’s not just cheese. It’s not just cream cheese, sour cream, 90% of dressings, Cheez Its, Cheetos, Milk Chocolate, pretty much every love that I have in this life contains dairy. The struggle was so real that it hurt. Luckily, they make coconut milk yogurt and plant-based butter or I’d be done for. 

If you’re interested in learning more about my tips and tricks to becoming a Vegan, continue on. If not, thanks for reading about my January challenge! Hope you it inspired you to be intentional with your day, week, month, year…

Advice from a Former Cheese Lover

        There are ways to make life a little easier as a vegan. The market has created all of these wonderful things that are mainly soy based vegan alternatives. I chose not to indulge in these very often.  Not because I am a soy hater. Everything in moderation, except wine. Again, I know me. I will cheat my way through this. I didn’t become a vegan to eat vegan cheese and vegan meatballs. The whole point was to cultivate a palate for vegetables and create a diet of plant based foods. I did occasionally enjoy one or two vegan meat substitutes, but for the most part, I kept to the straight and narrow.

        Here are a couple of tips that I learned the hard way. If you embark on a plant-based diet and sub meat and cheese for bread and noodles, you will gain approximately 738 lbs.  Believe me when I say to you, Sunbeam is not the answer. Neither is pasta salad. Just because it has salad, does not mean it is healthy. I call that a misnomer. Instead of wheat carbs,choose heartier vegetables- potatoes, sweet potatoes, beans, quinoa, polenta. These are not necessarily “healthier” options, but bread is a delicious trap.

        Make your own desserts. I have a sweet tooth like no other. You want to know my favorite things? Donuts. Cookies. Brownies. Cupcakes. Eating vegetables does not mean that I am giving up sugar and the small pleasures in this life. Mama need a cookie on days that end in Y. Pinterest is chock full of vegan desserts. Some of them are so hard and complicated and the ingredients sound like things from a foreign land or a witch’s cauldron.  Arrowroot powder? What is this? Ain’t nobody got time for that. There are ridiculously easy recipes using basic ingredients.  Like those no-bake chocolate oatmeal cookies. Stop. So good. Don’t try them. Vegan chocolate chip cookies. Vegan brownies made with bananas. Do yourself a favor and invest in the vegan butter. No one asked you to be a martyr. You are more likely to stick to the plan if you don’t feel like you are “missing out.” And even more likely to stick to if everything doesn’t taste like cardboard.

      This next one is a no-brainer. If you have ever in your lifetime committed to some sort of life change, you know that pre-planning is key. If you’re going out to dinner, check out the menu online first. If you’re having people over, turn your vegan entree into a side dish for everyone else, so that you aren’t preparing two totally separate meals every time you cook. Try a meal service for a few weeks to get fresh ideas and inspiration. Sunbasket saved me, and it taught me that vegan food actually can taste incredible. Make enough for dinner to take to lunch the next day. Planning 7 meals is so much easier than planning 14. Plan a week’s worth of meals because the worst time to be a vegan is when you are hangry and have to go to the store for more wine anyway. If you don’t set yourself up to succeed, then you will fail. 

       Being vegan sounds expensive. It can be if you aren’t intentional about it. During the month of January I shopped for groceries at Costco and Aldi. I know, locally sourced is so much better. I know, ok. I’m also a guidance counselor who can’t afford to spend $900 a week on locally grown kale. I’m sure this is going to come a shocker, but being a vegan can be hard. You will feel sad sometimes. You’ll carry around the box of “munchkins” from Dunkin Donuts that you found in the teacher workroom just so that you can smell them and reminisce about the days when you too lived life to the fullest. That didn’t really happen. Yes, it did. 

Seriously, let me paint this picture for you. I helped co-host a baby shower for a dear friend. We had a nice little lunch at a local cafe. Everyone orders their food. The waitress comes to be and just as I am about to say “Reuben,” the words “Veggie Weggie Wrap” bounce off of my tongue. If it wasn’t bad enough, I had to say with “no cream cheese or havarti dill.” Saddest words ever spoken. Y’all. The veggie weggie wrap? It doesn’t even sound good. Everyone gets their food. I’m looking at the chicken salad on a croissant, the grilled cheese and tomato soup, the crabcake. It is too much. At this point, I’m overwhelmed with tears. I play it off with “the gift of life is so beautiful. I can’t wait to shower this sweet girl with love.” My veggie weggie was as bad as it sounds. It was dry. It had black olives. Just no. Girl, no. Thank God for sweet potato fries. I’m praying they didn’t have any butter on them, but I didn’t dare ask. Then, it’s time for cake. My 74 year old grandmother made these cupcakes. They are delightful and stuffed with cream cheese filling. Mark this down as one of the top 10 hardest moments of my life. I did not falter. I lied to myself through dessert saying “they probably aren’t worth it,” “if you can make it through lunch and you still want one when you get home, just eat one, Jordon.” As soon as we got into the parking lot, I gave those cupcakes away to my friend with 4 kids. I was Jesus in the desert, bout to turn those stones into bread, girls. Don’t tempt me, Satan.         

My results: 

I logged this on March 3rd: I am still enjoying a somewhat #veganlife. I do not foresee myself remaining strictly vegan. I have reintroduced seafood to my diet. Chicken, pork and steak all sound SO hard on my digestion. I know I’m going to sound crazy, but I might stay dairy-free. Y’all, I feel 100% better not eating cheese all day long. I feel less bloated. I feel lighter. I also lost 6 lbs in 30 days. My goal was be veggie centric and I can put a big, fat check mark next to that box. Well done.Today, April 5th: I still have a very, very plant-based diet. I am eating strictly vegan 3 days a week. I absolutely cannot give up Sunbasket. It’s just so delicious. But, I am eating meat 2-3 times per week and I can’t lie, I still love steak.

Onward friends, there are new challenges to conquer.